Ignition

June 11, 2021

This date has felt so far off that it has been unimaginable – even for me – and my imagination can and does dream up some pretty crazy stuff.   Pregnancies, life spans, jobs and blast offs all have these very rigid time confines that define them.  Love, I clearly understand,  does not.

As I type these words it’s the morning of the Friday night show.  In too few short hours I’ll be at the theatre where I’ve lived all week.  I’ve lived there surrounded by the work and people I adore.  Yes, adore, and from them there is no retirement.  We don’t quit being mothers, fathers, mentors  – or from being Detour family.  I’m a mess of emotion – sadness, fear, excitement, hope, joy – all those for tonight’s show.  All those emotions for LaRiche, Simon, and these dear actors.  Finally all those about a future that’s looming but that I can’t quite make out.  

I have carefully walked step by step – now I’m at that big step of trust.  In the movie Onward there’s an absolutely wonderful scene where the very NON courageous brother, who hasn’t quite accepted how magical he is must trust his power to create an invisible walk way to cross a deep, ravine, one  “that has no bottom.”  (Isn’t that the way with our fears and the unknown – they just seem to have no bottom.)  I encourage you  to watch the scene (really, the whole movie.)  This young hero falters at first but his brother ties a rope to him (that swiftly comes undone.) He haltingly takes a step into seemingly nothingness and then, step by step, an invisible path way appears.  Of course he safely gets across – but first there’s fear, there’s doubt, and there’s a willingness to depend on the faith of others even as your own is shaky. When he realizes the rope is gone, he gets it, he must trust himself.  

That’s where I am.  Ignition has begun.   The key has been turned, the engine is warming, my job now is to trust.   Actors are ready, the lights and music are gorgeous, coaches have been and are EVERYWHERE,  my work is done.  This is this expectancy we’ll get off the ground.   I’d like to believe we blast off,  spectacularly  – that together we go beyond what we know and create something that’s pure magic.   I’m also a safety person. I’ll call it a great run if no one is hurt – not physically, not emotionally.    Tonight and this weekend will be ALL that it is – a gift for our audience – a gift for our actors – a gift for me.  

This weekend I get to celebrate those faces, yes, a Covid necessitated limited number,  still,  they are my tribe.  I get to cheer, clap, cry, sing, see wonder.   This need to celebrate and honor their talent does not retire.  It is huge – as I step out in trust I pray some kind of path shows up.   I pray I keep my eyes on what lies ahead.  No need to look down. 

It’s what I tell the actors OFTEN.  Your feet will take you where you need to go.  Believe. Let them dance.

My heart is so grateful.  I can’t get out of my pjs because I want to somehow slow down this morning.  I want to savor it instant by instant.  I’m honored that I get this place to write and share my heart.   To you who read this please know that of all the emotions I feel at this moment, the one that speaks most loudly and demands to be expressed is one of GRATITUDE.   

Thank you – Detour for shaping my life, for giving my dreams a stage to play on, for making stars out of men and women with hope burning bright.  Thank you all you the dear Detour community – I am grateful.

There are so many things, you hear only with your heart.   Perhaps, the loudest of those is love.